Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Walking through doors . . .

. . . when I went back to college as a non-traditional student (yup, wasted the first time I went on parties and not studying) when my last child was in school full time, I had to write an essay on any subject in order for them to determine what English class would fit my talents.  You know the categories - was she Pulitzer prize special, not so very special but she can spin a yarn okay or she spelled most of the words correctly and included several complete sentences.  It was the fall term and summer had just ended so for my subject I chose the classic - "what I did over my summer vacation".  Only I didn't write about my vacation, I wrote a very clever and humorous essay about how I needed a vacation from summer.  

If you have children or have had children, you know that summer can be more hectic (if that is possible!) than any other time of year.  Various lessons, practices, baseball/softball games, camps, Bible school, fairs, 4-H can leave you in a cloud of dust for 3 solid months.  I couldn't wait for school to start to have a rest!

But because my children are now grown, I have left those summer whirlwinds behind me.  I have walked through that door.

For the past several years (more than I would like to count), summers have been more leisurely.  At least I'm not spending the day in the car, schlepping kids here and there!  It seems that the days still go by quickly because there is always something that needs to be tended to.  Crops to tend to, lawns to tend to, flowers to tend to, grandkids to tend to, actual vacations to tend to.  But this summer is different.  All of my usual plans and activities have been derailed.  I have walked temporarily through another door.

This summer is all about my daughter's wedding.  Everything else seems to be put on hold.  We both wake up thinking of the things that need to be finished (or started!) for the wedding.  We spend our days traveling to find that perfect piece for decorations.  We go to bed dreaming of the wedding that we both have envisioned.  But I must confess, some days my heart is not into it like it should be.  Am I procrastinating on finishing things because of a deep seated fear of losing my daughter?  Do I not encourage her to make final decisions because if she doesn't decide, the process will take longer and we will get to spend more time together?  Or maybe it is as simple as thinking I can make a wedding beautiful and I just don't have the talent so I am afraid of trying!  Whatever the reason, we are knee deep in wedding preparations and still have so many things to accomplish.  I only hope that she is enjoying the process (as slow as it seems to be going) as much as I am!

Anyway, in a few short months, I am preparing myself to walk through another door.  And I will leave my spot open for a son-in-law to take my place.

So my posts may be far and few between this summer.  Forgive me.  Remember me.  And check up on me every once in awhile so I can come up for air.

Oh, and by the way, my "what I did over my summer vacation" essay earned me an A and an opportunity to skip that dreaded freshman English class altogether!   

Now, go and enjoy every single minute of your kids' summer activities and your busy lives.  In just a blink of an eye, you'll be watching your child walking down the aisle too!


Joanna said...

A real mix of emotions for you, Connie. Time goes so fast, scarily fast. My eldest son leaves school this summer and starts an apprenticeship. I still remember him starting playgroup, like it was yesterday. That scared little boy is still inside this tall, lanky young man - and just occasionally he'll give me a hug to remind me. Similarly, your daughter will still be inside this young married woman and she will need you to know that, just occasionally.

These are such special days leading up to the wedding, and I'm sure you'll make it wonderful for her.


Jill said...

In the blink of an eye...how true! Maybe you're dragging your feet because the little details that need to be attended to are very taxing and you don't want to do that part. Wait...maybe that was why I drug my feet at times! I'm glad you are enjoying your time with your daughter. It is change which is hard. I'll be praying for you two! (all of you)

The French Bear said...

Congratulations to your daughter....how exciting this time in her life will be! You need to enjoy and reflect on all those special moments, what wonderful memories you will be creating!!!! Have fun and soak it all in, this is a great time in her life and having her Mom close by will be even more exciting....sharing all those firsts! Don't forget to keep us up to date if you have a minute....or tell us after......
Lots of wishes and hugs!
Margaret B

Craftymoose Crafts said...

Congrats to your daughter. I feel (fear) for you. I just got used to being without my one and only for her first year of college. I will have to learn from your experience for the future.

Createology said...

Enjoyed reading your post and completely understand. I am far beyond the daughter's wedding days. May I just reassure you that all will turn out wonderful and the day will be so very special. Enjoy the journey...

Simply Bungalow said...

Connie, It was so nice to meet you and your daughter the other day. I hope that your planning goes smoothly and that the wedding day goes off without a hitch!

Donna said...

What a lovely and thoughtful post! Ah, I sure do love doors! The ones you look at and the ones you walk through as you go through the chapters of your life. Please don't let fear hold you back. When you find yourself a bit hesitant about crossing those thresholds, sometimes you just have to FLING yourself through. No points will be deducted if you have your eyes closed and let out a little yelp. Just FLING! Savor the present, but never fear the future. And forgive yourself in advance for any mistakes made along the way. We are always a "work in progress", don't you think? LOL!

Lynn Stevens said...

Its no wonder your essay got an A, girl you sure can write. Enjoy every precious minute you can with your daughter, time passes much to quickly. Seems like just yesterday my son and his buds were playing in the sandbox and eating otter pops, now hes off in the army and I miss him so.
They say you never loose a daughter but gain a son when she marries. Enjoy the summer my friend.
hugs Lynn

Suz said...

You did such a beautiful job on this entry, explaining the complexity of feelings that you are going through in a way that I felt I was standing there in your shoes (even though my daughter is 31 and not married).
That's quite a knack there, girl. Your door metaphor and the accompanying pictures are fabulous. Frankly, I think they should give you a Ph.D. for this one!

Susanne said...

Well, I hope you're happy now, you've made me cry! Don't feel too bad, my friends make fun of me cause I'm so quick to tear up. But I do feel for you, realizing you're indecisive still doesn't help, does it, if anything it makes it worse for me! Have faith the wedding is going to beautiful whatever you both decide. And if there's a hitch, it will probably end up being the funny story you tell over and over again!
All the best,

Linda said...

SO sweet, Connie...it really is a mix of emotions! When my first was married I would burst into tears hearing certain songs...I was so nostalgic. Enjoy your special times together...but remember, there will be many more after the wedding, too! XO

Cindy said...

Remember to breathe! I helped my sister with her outdoor, vintage wedding last summer. It was so much fun hunting for the perfect decoration, but it can be exhausting. I have so many great memories of out treasure hunts, laughing, crying, panicing! But it was all so worth it when se walked down the lawn and everthing was perfect! So ENJOY!